Counselor Dr Ben
Disclaimer: This is not counseling. This is for general education.
Complains are expressions of dissatisfaction. It's a form of communication in a relationship or marriage. It's when one is expressing their pain, suffering or discomfort. It's not the same as blame; that is when one is accusing you or declaring that you are responsible for a fault or wrong.
When babies or children cry, they are communicating, it does not mean they are accusing a parent for not taking care of them but rather telling the parent they need attention. No good parent abandons their child when they cry, because the child needs them.
However, many spouses or partners abandon their partners when they complain and rather feel they are being blamed for something they did not do. Marriage indeed is not for everyone. Not everyone is mature enough to understand some of these things.
One of the reasons why people go into relationships is for them to be accepted for who they are and be supported by meeting certain needs in their life. When these needs are not met, they complain, get hurt or become distant. Complaining does not mean one party is blaming the other.
When our gadgets or cars or devices beep, or give a warning sound or signal, we pay attention to those signs and signals. We end up fixing or solving the issue or situation. It is like the device or machine complains of a need and once we are able to meet such needs, we benefit greatly from the device.
The sad irony is that people pay better attention and listen to their gadgets more than to their spouse. They care for these devices better than the people they claim to love.
Many people react differently when their partners complain; some people are quick to conclude that people who complain in their marriage or relationship are not mature, they are irresponsible or refuse to take responsibility, which is not true.
Mature spouses listen to their partners when they complain about something. They understand their partner is talking about their needs and they make an effort to find out the best way to help each other. They don't shut down their partner by asking "what about me"?
You might have a different set of needs and when you meet your partner's needs, that helps them to meet yours. Ignoring them is how you drive them away to look for their needs elsewhere which is not a healthy thing to do.
If a husband complains to a wife about she not meeting his needs for food, but the circumstance at that moment makes it difficult for her to meet such needs, then the best thing is for her to communicate effectively and also negotiate or find a solution together. The same applies to a wife who complains of a husband not meeting a need.
Marriage is not a competition between a man and a woman, it’s team work. The goal is for the couple to work together. Develop innovative ways of solving issues and helping each other to grow.
Comments
Post a Comment